A Coach for Business Owners: Which Kind Do You Need?

Sometimes the business is fine.

A man can have the numbers where they should be, customers who keep coming back, and people who know their jobs, and still go looking for a coach. The business isn't always the reason.

It might be a Tuesday meeting, where a manager says a job has slipped and the owner's answer comes out louder than the problem. It might be the drive home after, and the kitchen after that, where the same edge shows up with someone who had nothing to do with the job.

Or it might be the business. A ceiling the company keeps hitting, or the weight of making every decision alone, and the wish for someone to think it through with.

Those are different problems, and they call for different help, and the word “coach” gets used for nearly all of it. So here is what each kind is actually for, said as fairly as I can, including the kind I do.

First, the line that matters most

If anyone is in danger, at home or at work, or you are afraid of what you might do, a doctor or a therapist is the first call. Not a coach, not a peer group, and not an essay. If it's right now, call 911, or in the US call or text 988. The page on how this fits with other help has more.

Everything below is for the other situation. Nobody is in danger. But something is costing more than it should, and maybe you want to know who to call about it.

The kinds of help a business owner can find

The word “coach” covers a lot of ground, and the titles overlap. These are the broad kinds, and what each one is built to do.

Strategy and operations coaches. They work on the business itself: the plan, the numbers, pricing, hiring, systems, how the company grows or gets less dependent on you. Some have built and run companies. Some teach a set method. If the problem lives in the business, this is the kind built for it. Ask what they've run themselves and how they track progress.

Peer groups. Groups like Vistage and EO put you in a room with other owners on a regular schedule. You bring a problem, and people who've faced something like it tell you what they see. The perspective is real, and so is having a room where you aren't the boss. Each group has its own format, cost and rules for who can join, so ask them directly.

Executive coaches. They tend to work on leadership: how you communicate, how you make decisions, how the people around you experience you. Many work with leaders inside larger companies, and some gather feedback from the people you work with. Backgrounds and methods vary widely, so ask what a typical engagement looks like and who they usually work with.

Therapists. A therapist is a licensed professional. They can look at what a coach can't: depression, anxiety, trauma, drinking, what happened when you were young, anything that might be feeding today from underneath. If you're not sure whether something is clinical, let someone qualified tell you it isn't. If you already have a therapist, keep them.

Each of these does its own job well. None of them has to compete with the others.

What this coaching is

This is the work I do, so read this part knowing that.

I don't coach the business. I don't write your plan, read your numbers or tell you who to hire. What I work on is narrower: the moment itself. The second a problem lands and your reaction comes out. At work, and at home, because it's the same man in both places.

For one man it's the voice going up in a meeting. For another it's going quiet and cold. For another it's taking a problem back from someone he'd handed it to, because fixing it himself is faster than watching. Or it's the text sent before it was read twice.

Between what happens and what you do, there is a moment (more on it here). It can feel like nothing. Often something happens in it anyway: a quick sentence, fast enough that it rarely gets caught. “I have to do everything myself.” “Nobody listens.” “One more thing.” The reaction answers that sentence, not the problem in front of you.

So the work is three things. Seeing that moment: slowing down one recent moment and finding what moved first and what the sentence was. Catching it: noticing it while it's happening instead of an hour later. And repairing faster when you miss: going back, saying what you did, saying you're sorry, and stopping there. There's more on the work side of this in when you snap at your team.

I spent twenty-five years in business and five in law enforcement. I've coached hundreds of men. None of that makes me a therapist, and I don't act like one. If something clinical comes up, we stop and I help you find the right person.

A strategy coach works on the business. This works on the moment before the man running it reacts.

Who it fits, and who it doesn't

It tends to fit a man whose business mostly works, but whose reactions under pressure are costing him something, at work, at home, or both. Nobody is in danger. He isn't looking for a plan. He's tired of the same few minutes going the same way, and he wants to work on that one-on-one, privately, around a full week.

It doesn't fit if what you need is help with the business itself: strategy, pricing, a hiring plan, a sale. A strategy or operations coach is the better call for that.

It doesn't fit if what you want is a room of other owners and their experience. A peer group does that, and I don't.

It doesn't fit if the temper comes with drinking, with nights you can't sleep, with something heavier than temper, or you just aren't sure. That's a therapist first.

It doesn't fit if a court, a lawyer or an employer has said you need a class. Do the program they name. If that's where you are, this page on anger management lays out the difference.

And it doesn't fit if you're looking for a guarantee. I can't promise how six months will go for you, and I won't. What I can tell you is what we'll do.

What working together looks like

It starts with one 75-minute session, one-on-one with me by video or phone. It costs $297. You request it on the session page. I read it myself and contact you to set a time that works for both of us.

In that session we look at one recent moment, at work or at home. If we both decide to go on, the program is six months of one-on-one coaching, and the $297 comes off its price. The $297 pays for the session itself and is not refunded.

Not ready for that? Take the free Reaction Quiz (about four minutes). It shows which reaction you reach for most often.

How to choose

A rough way to sort it, as plainly as I can.

If someone could get hurt, or you're afraid of yourself: a doctor or a therapist, today.

If the problem is the business, its plan, its numbers or its next stage: a strategy or operations coach.

If you want perspective from other owners and a regular room to bring problems to: a peer group.

If you want broad work on how you lead, often with feedback from the people around you: an executive coach.

If something feels heavier than stress, or you aren't sure: a therapist.

If none of that is it, and the trouble is the moment, the same reaction under pressure in the same few places, and you want to work on it one-on-one: that's what this coaching is for.

Some men use more than one. A peer group for the business and coaching for Tuesday's meeting. A therapist for what's underneath and coaching for the moment. Whatever you pick, ask any coach the same plain questions: what exactly do we work on, how often, for how long, what does it cost, and how will we know whether it's helping.

One thing to try this week

Before you call anyone, you can find out which problem you have.

For one week, at the end of each day, write down the one moment you'd most like to take back, if there was one. Just what happened, the way a camera would have seen it, and where you were.

At the end of the week, look at the list. If it's mostly decisions you'd make differently, that points toward the business. If it's mostly the way you answered someone, that points toward the moment.

Either answer is useful. It tells you what kind of help to look for, and that's a better place to start than a search bar.