Tired of Running My Business: When It All Runs Through You

The phone is lit up before his feet hit the floor.

A supplier pushed a delivery. A customer wants a call. Someone on the crew has a question that starts with “Quick one.” By the time the coffee is made, the day has already been decided, and he hasn't decided any of it.

The business is fine. Better than fine, some years. It pays for the house and the kids' schooling, and the people who work there count on it. He built it from nothing, or close to it.

And some mornings he sits in the truck in the lot for a few extra minutes before he goes in. Not because anything is wrong. Because he's tired of running it, and he isn't sure that's allowed.

If you typed “tired of running my business” into a search bar, this page is for you. It doesn't tell you to sell, and it doesn't tell you to push through. It looks at what the tiredness is often about, and one thing to try before the end of today.

Is it burnout, or something else?

Tired can mean a few different things, and only you can say which one it is.

Sometimes it's the body. Years of short nights and long weeks add up. If the tiredness comes with a low mood that doesn't lift, trouble sleeping, losing interest in most things, or drinking more than you'd like, start with a doctor or a therapist. Only they can tell you what it is. That's their work, not a coach's.

If you're in crisis, a therapist or doctor is the first call. If anyone is in danger right now, call 911; in the US call or text 988.

Sometimes it's the business. It has outgrown the way it's run, or the market moved, or the plan needs a hard look. That's business strategy work, and a good advisor or business coach fits. (If that's the question, read choosing a coach as a business owner.)

And sometimes it's neither. The body is all right and the numbers are all right. What's worn thin is the job of being the one it all runs through.

Why doesn't a week off fix it?

The usual advice is to take a break. Go somewhere. Turn the phone off.

A week away can help, and if you haven't had one in years, it's worth taking. But it often goes like this. The phone stays on, just in case. There's a call from the beach. And on the first Monday back, the same questions are waiting, because nothing about how they get to you has changed.

Rest helps the body. It rarely changes the shape of the job. If every decision still routes back to one desk, the week off just means they pile up there.

Should I just sell?

Sometimes that's the right answer. Some men sell at the right time and are glad they did.

But “I'm tired of running it” and “I want out” aren't always the same sentence. A man can sell a business he's tired of and find the tiredness was never about the business. It was about the way he'd been carrying it, and he can carry the next thing the same way.

If you already have an offer and the decision won't come, read thinking of selling and can't decide. If you don't, it can help to look at the tiredness first, before it makes the decision for you.

Where the tiredness often comes from

Rarely from one big thing. More often from small moments that repeat all day.

Someone brings a question they could answer themselves, and you answer it, because it's faster than asking what they think.

Someone does a job most of the way your way, and you redo the rest, because it's quicker than explaining.

A problem gets handed to a manager, and a week later it's back on your desk, because you checked in on it and then just took it.

Each one makes sense on its own. Each one takes a minute. But dozens of them add up to a business that only runs through you. The people around you learn, reasonably, that the fastest way to get anything done is to bring it to you. So they do. And the load you're tired of carrying keeps getting handed back to you, partly by your own hand.

There is usually a sentence under it, so quick you hardly hear it. “It's faster if I do it.” “They'll just get it wrong.” “That's what I'm here for.” Sometimes that sentence is right. If it's right every time, it isn't a decision anymore. It's a habit.

This isn't about blame, of you or of anyone who works for you. It's about finding the part that's yours to move. (Read next: the one who handles everything.)

What kind of help fits

If it's your health or your mood, a doctor or therapist, as above. If it's the plan, the numbers or the next stage, business strategy work. Coaching is not therapy, medical care, or business strategy.

If it's the few minutes that keep going the same way, the question you answer before anyone else can, the job you take back, the same sentence in your head each time, one-on-one coaching fits: someone else looking at those minutes with you, on a fixed schedule.

What the coaching here looks like

The coaching on this site is with Daniel Walker: 25 years in business; 5 years in law enforcement with the sheriff's office; hundreds of men coached one-on-one; author of The Accountable Life and Nobody's Watching.

It starts with one session: 75 minutes, one-on-one, $297. In it, you bring the decision you're stuck on, we look for the question under it, and you leave with one next step, written by you.

If you both decide to go on, the six months are one-on-one, one hour a week at the same time each week, by video or phone, with a short daily practice. The $297 comes off the price of the six months.

The session is requested on the session page. Daniel reads every request himself and gets in touch to set a time. The $297 is paid once a time is set, and it isn't refunded.

Not ready for that? The free Reaction Quiz is twelve moments from one day, and it takes about four minutes.

One thing to try today

Give the pattern a name: taking it back. A question, a job or a problem gets handed to someone else, and it ends up on your desk again.

Here's the move for the rest of today. The next time someone brings you a decision they could make, don't answer it yet. Ask, “What would you do?” Then let their answer stand, unless it would cost real money or put someone at risk.

Keep a scrap of paper in your pocket. Each time you take one back anyway, write a tick, and next to it the sentence that was in your head right before. A guess is fine.

Before you leave tonight, count the ticks and read the sentences. If one of them shows up more than once, that's the one to watch tomorrow. You'll have the same scrap of paper and the same question ready.

Patterns in this essay: Always the Strong One, Steady Under Pressure